Sunday, June 30, 2013
Letting things go
I'll just quickly have a shower before I tidy the kitchen but before I do that I'll just make the beds, oh I'd better put the washing on before I get in and then it'll be ready to hang when I get out. Baby wakes up before I've done half of those things and I was going to bake some fairy cakes to take to my friend, so now I feel like I have achieved nothing at all.
I really ned to learn to let some stuff go, prioritise what's important. Shower should definitely come first!
Is there a gene that means you can walk past a toy on the floor or dirty laundry or is it learned? Why can some people live in perfectly acceptable mess while others can't?
I'm stressed about the list of things I have to do to make the house comfortable for me. I'm actually relieved its raining because washing is off the list and I don't have a dryer.
I think I'll rename the blog 'mummy guilt'!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Tune out week
This week we have been invited to tune out. Eliminating all non essential electronics like tv, facebook and video games. Paul and I have been playing rummikub and battleships. I've done some knitting and prepared my lesson for Sunday. Done some indexing and 'thought' about practising the piano. It hasn't made that much difference to me really. It's all things I do anyway just with the telly on too! Facebook however, that is an addiction of mine. I removed the app from my phone to try and lessen the itchy thumb that likes to automatically check what my friends are up to all over the world. I have missed it a few times over the past 6 days but it's peaceful without it! I'm not going to delete it completely as it's my main mode of contact with the majority of my family but I think I have learnt to cut back the use, again! Every now and then, usually to the detriment of my relationships with my children, I realise it's taking over.
I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to do it. Lets see how I go tonight with hubby at work!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Max's eyes
Max has dark circles under his eyes, they have always been there but lately people have been commenting on it so I decided to ask the GP about it. He said they are called 'allergy shiners' but he didn't want to send us for testing as there are no other obvious symptoms.
So I thought I would cut out dairy for a while and see if that made a difference. I made sure he had lots of non-dairy calcium. It's been over a week now and it's made not the slightest difference, so now I need to decide whether to try a different allergen or just let it be? It only bothers me because of the comments that others have made and I don't think it bothers him at all.
So I thought I would cut out dairy for a while and see if that made a difference. I made sure he had lots of non-dairy calcium. It's been over a week now and it's made not the slightest difference, so now I need to decide whether to try a different allergen or just let it be? It only bothers me because of the comments that others have made and I don't think it bothers him at all.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Treasure every moment?
You know how they always say treasure every moment with your child? I'm trying I really am, especially knowing that he's my last. I was wondering though how many precious moments of my two and four year old I'd missed while I was treasuring the baby? I'm doing a good job soaking up his baby smiles, warm skin and sweet smell meanwhile my big boy is saying thing like 'in a second' and 'after', showing so much understanding of this language we all speak.
While my four year old reads a book from cover to cover, word perfect, despite not being able to read
So yes, it's an attack of the Mummy guilts that I'll never be able to get over but today my big kids are at school and I'll write this on my phone while the baby sleeps in my arms treasuring every moment I can
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Max
To my 2 year old,
I'm crazy over the love of you.
You are funny, cheeky, energetic and lovable.
We call you comedy Max because you make us laugh.
You make cheeky faces and big eyes because you know it is cute and funny.
You are the politest 2-yr-old I have ever met even when you are frustrated.
You say 'itchy my back' to get me to scratch your back.
You have green eyes just like me and my Dad.
You give the best cuddles and say I love you without prompting
You are funny, cheeky, energetic and lovable.
We call you comedy Max because you make us laugh.
You make cheeky faces and big eyes because you know it is cute and funny.
You are the politest 2-yr-old I have ever met even when you are frustrated.
You say 'itchy my back' to get me to scratch your back.
You have green eyes just like me and my Dad.
You give the best cuddles and say I love you without prompting
Amelie
To my almost 5-year-old
You are so happy to be helpful.
You draw pictures with incredible detail.
You bark like a dog, a yappy high pitched dog, but it's a sound copy.
You are articulate and bright and people think you are older than 4.
You love books.
You are my sunshine.
You are polite even when you are upset.
You play extremely well with your annoying brother and are a master negotiator when there is no one else to make him do what he should.
You love both your brothers. You saved Max from a dog once, pushed him to safety before climbing to safety yourself.
You are so happy to be helpful.
You draw pictures with incredible detail.
You bark like a dog, a yappy high pitched dog, but it's a sound copy.
You are articulate and bright and people think you are older than 4.
You love books.
You are my sunshine.
You are polite even when you are upset.
You play extremely well with your annoying brother and are a master negotiator when there is no one else to make him do what he should.
You love both your brothers. You saved Max from a dog once, pushed him to safety before climbing to safety yourself.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Third babies are fast!
My third baby was 8 weeks old today and I think I am sufficiently over the trauma to write the birth story. (I put an exclamation mark there but then I deleted it because it felt like I was trivialising my experience.)
Saturday 6th April
Had a couple of really bizarre contractions lasting an hour or more with no let up, tried to time them but it was impossible as there was no end or beginning.
Sunday 7th April (37 weeks and 5 days pregnant)
Paul and I spent the evening with Andrew and Leah, felt kind of strange all day and Leah made me sit on a towel! There was no obvious outward signs apart from a couple of very mild cramps but instinctively I knew I had to get my house in order. I checked on everyone's plans for the following day and was satisfied that if this was it, my kids were looked after and so was I.
I drove the kids home in their pyjamas at about 9pm. Paul was in his own car and stopped to fill up on the way. I unstrapped the kids from their car seats and got out of the car. As I walked round to the back of the car and opened the boot I felt that familiar warm wet feeling gushing down my legs, my first thought? I've wet myself! But no, it was my waters. I phoned Paul, and waited right where I was until he could bring me a towel! He was there within a few minutes. While we were waiting Amelie asked me why I was standing in a puddle! I phoned Leah from the same spot in my puddle and Paul drove Amelie and Max back to where we came from for a sleepover. I had a shower while I waited for him to return.
My obstetrician had told me that once my waters had gone it was going to be pretty quick so when I called the hospital they said to come in. We arrived there and I was happy to see my midwife friend Cat was on duty that night. (Her daughter Mollie and Amelie are the best of friends) I was not so happy that I hadn't had any contractions in the intervening two hours. I was also really tired and led on the bed being monitored I could have dropped off.
We decided to come back home, there was no way I could have coped with an induction at that late hour and laboured through the night, so I went home to bed. I was happy not to have to worry about the children as they were in Leah's capable hands, Monday was also a kindy day so timing was perfect.
Monday 8th April
I got a few hours sleep and woke early, I made the packed lunches for kindy and pottered around, I text Cat as she came off shift saying there was no action and she was surprised and disappointed for me. She knew how much I wanted another water birth and if I had an induction and subsequently the monitoring that is hospital policy, the water was out.
Paul went to pick up the kids and take them to kindy
It had now been 12 hours since my waters had gone I phoned the hospital again and went in for monitoring.
We waited...
and waited...
and waited...
...this was starting to get all too familiar, no contractions.
Was I ever going to feel a natural contraction? Was there something wrong with me? Why won't my body work?
I asked the midwife, can I have a water birth, her answer, no not if you are induced.
I was torn, if I waited I might labour naturally and achieve another beautiful water birth, but I'd been here before, twice and I just knew that no amount of waiting was going to get this baby out. So I decided I would get the syntocin induction but I still didn't feel very happy about it.
It was late morning by the time the Dr got around to seeing me and 12 midday by the time the induction went in. By this time I was resigned to the fact and the extra waiting time actually helped cement in my mind that I had, in fact, done the right thing as after 15 hours I still wasn't contracting, not even a little bit. I still asked the doctor, can I have a water birth? He said policies are there for a reason, in short, no.
He broke the remains of my water first and then in went the drip. The familiar rhythmic 'whoosh, thunk' of the drip pumping into my veins was faintly hypnotising and Paul and I settled in.
By now I had a different midwife she was very kind and started the drip low.
Contractions started slow and I was 'tied' to the bed by the monitors and the drip pole. Things got strange very quickly and at 4pm I was shaky and feeling like things were moving along a bit fast. I started shivering. The midwife checked me and I was 4cm dilated
I had managed to get up to go to the toilet a couple of times and I thought I'd ask for the third and final time!
Can I get in the bath?
Sorry, no, I have to keep the monitor on you, you can get in the shower though.
So in the shower I went, Contractions coming thick and fast I sat on the fit ball and then knelt on the floor leaning on the ball. The monitor kept cutting out every time I had a contraction and I leant forward to deal with it. Even on the floor she couldn't pick up the babies heartbeat when I had a contraction. That is the time they need to make sure baby is coping. The midwife was not happy about it and asked if I'd get out, so I did. I had to wait for my contraction to finish and then make a dash for the bed, there wasn't much time between them. I'd spent 20-30 minutes in the shower and had somewhere between 4-8 contractions at a guess.
About 4.30 On my knees, leaning on the raised head of the bed I started screaming like an animal it was just so intense. I didn't have time to catch my breath, remember to visualise, count my breaths or anything there was just no time.
Paul leant over and said into my ear, they like that noise, the midwives are smiling.
This gave me the permission I needed and I carried on screaming. It was insane.
Someone said - oh it's raining, I thought, SO WHAT!
Someone asked if I wanted to try the gas, I tried to speak but couldn't, I couldn't even shake my head
Someone said do you feel pushy? I breathed out the word, Almost
Again it was somewhere between 4-8 contractions after getting on the bed when I felt the strangest feeling of the baby moving down inside of me, I hadn't felt that with the other two, it was strangely excruciatingly satisfying, the end was near.
Someone said do you feel pushy? Again just one nod was all I could manage.
All these 'someones' and I was so out of it I have no idea if it was one person or three different people
I felt the head begin to emerge and then someone was holding it in and telling me to pant, I felt like slapping their hand out of the way, let me push this baby out in one push! Let me get it out! But I couldn't speak.
Finally the head was out
Paul leaned forward and said, the head is out, I thought I know, I felt it! But what I said was, take a picture. I just wanted to see for myself from the other end.
Someone said, now doesn't that feel good now that bit's over? Yes, it really does!
There was stillness for just a moment as everyone waited, baby included, for the next contraction. When it came baby was born in a slippery rush onto the bed.
Someone said, do you want to see what you have? Paul and I looked together, it's a boy!
I turned round and picked up my baby boy and we looked at each other in shock.
I am never doing that again
From 4cm to birth in 45 minutes
A little bit of oxygen for the baby and he started to scream and scream. I put him to the breast and he quietened down.
I lost around 800ml blood, had a couple of stitches but refused a catheter, I dragged myself out of bed for a wee to prove I didn't need one and weed in the shower while she watched. Oh, the indignity! But I really didn't want to be tied to the bed.
It took us a couple of days to name Sam and I really enjoyed my 4 nights in the hospital, just the two of us. I could have stayed another week being waited on hand and foot!
Saturday 6th April
Had a couple of really bizarre contractions lasting an hour or more with no let up, tried to time them but it was impossible as there was no end or beginning.
Sunday 7th April (37 weeks and 5 days pregnant)
Paul and I spent the evening with Andrew and Leah, felt kind of strange all day and Leah made me sit on a towel! There was no obvious outward signs apart from a couple of very mild cramps but instinctively I knew I had to get my house in order. I checked on everyone's plans for the following day and was satisfied that if this was it, my kids were looked after and so was I.
I drove the kids home in their pyjamas at about 9pm. Paul was in his own car and stopped to fill up on the way. I unstrapped the kids from their car seats and got out of the car. As I walked round to the back of the car and opened the boot I felt that familiar warm wet feeling gushing down my legs, my first thought? I've wet myself! But no, it was my waters. I phoned Paul, and waited right where I was until he could bring me a towel! He was there within a few minutes. While we were waiting Amelie asked me why I was standing in a puddle! I phoned Leah from the same spot in my puddle and Paul drove Amelie and Max back to where we came from for a sleepover. I had a shower while I waited for him to return.
My obstetrician had told me that once my waters had gone it was going to be pretty quick so when I called the hospital they said to come in. We arrived there and I was happy to see my midwife friend Cat was on duty that night. (Her daughter Mollie and Amelie are the best of friends) I was not so happy that I hadn't had any contractions in the intervening two hours. I was also really tired and led on the bed being monitored I could have dropped off.
We decided to come back home, there was no way I could have coped with an induction at that late hour and laboured through the night, so I went home to bed. I was happy not to have to worry about the children as they were in Leah's capable hands, Monday was also a kindy day so timing was perfect.
Monday 8th April
I got a few hours sleep and woke early, I made the packed lunches for kindy and pottered around, I text Cat as she came off shift saying there was no action and she was surprised and disappointed for me. She knew how much I wanted another water birth and if I had an induction and subsequently the monitoring that is hospital policy, the water was out.
Paul went to pick up the kids and take them to kindy
It had now been 12 hours since my waters had gone I phoned the hospital again and went in for monitoring.
We waited...
and waited...
and waited...
...this was starting to get all too familiar, no contractions.
Was I ever going to feel a natural contraction? Was there something wrong with me? Why won't my body work?
I asked the midwife, can I have a water birth, her answer, no not if you are induced.
I was torn, if I waited I might labour naturally and achieve another beautiful water birth, but I'd been here before, twice and I just knew that no amount of waiting was going to get this baby out. So I decided I would get the syntocin induction but I still didn't feel very happy about it.
It was late morning by the time the Dr got around to seeing me and 12 midday by the time the induction went in. By this time I was resigned to the fact and the extra waiting time actually helped cement in my mind that I had, in fact, done the right thing as after 15 hours I still wasn't contracting, not even a little bit. I still asked the doctor, can I have a water birth? He said policies are there for a reason, in short, no.
He broke the remains of my water first and then in went the drip. The familiar rhythmic 'whoosh, thunk' of the drip pumping into my veins was faintly hypnotising and Paul and I settled in.
By now I had a different midwife she was very kind and started the drip low.
Contractions started slow and I was 'tied' to the bed by the monitors and the drip pole. Things got strange very quickly and at 4pm I was shaky and feeling like things were moving along a bit fast. I started shivering. The midwife checked me and I was 4cm dilated
I had managed to get up to go to the toilet a couple of times and I thought I'd ask for the third and final time!
Can I get in the bath?
Sorry, no, I have to keep the monitor on you, you can get in the shower though.
So in the shower I went, Contractions coming thick and fast I sat on the fit ball and then knelt on the floor leaning on the ball. The monitor kept cutting out every time I had a contraction and I leant forward to deal with it. Even on the floor she couldn't pick up the babies heartbeat when I had a contraction. That is the time they need to make sure baby is coping. The midwife was not happy about it and asked if I'd get out, so I did. I had to wait for my contraction to finish and then make a dash for the bed, there wasn't much time between them. I'd spent 20-30 minutes in the shower and had somewhere between 4-8 contractions at a guess.
About 4.30 On my knees, leaning on the raised head of the bed I started screaming like an animal it was just so intense. I didn't have time to catch my breath, remember to visualise, count my breaths or anything there was just no time.
Paul leant over and said into my ear, they like that noise, the midwives are smiling.
This gave me the permission I needed and I carried on screaming. It was insane.
Someone said - oh it's raining, I thought, SO WHAT!
Someone asked if I wanted to try the gas, I tried to speak but couldn't, I couldn't even shake my head
Someone said do you feel pushy? I breathed out the word, Almost
Again it was somewhere between 4-8 contractions after getting on the bed when I felt the strangest feeling of the baby moving down inside of me, I hadn't felt that with the other two, it was strangely excruciatingly satisfying, the end was near.
Someone said do you feel pushy? Again just one nod was all I could manage.
All these 'someones' and I was so out of it I have no idea if it was one person or three different people
I felt the head begin to emerge and then someone was holding it in and telling me to pant, I felt like slapping their hand out of the way, let me push this baby out in one push! Let me get it out! But I couldn't speak.
Finally the head was out
Paul leaned forward and said, the head is out, I thought I know, I felt it! But what I said was, take a picture. I just wanted to see for myself from the other end.
Someone said, now doesn't that feel good now that bit's over? Yes, it really does!
There was stillness for just a moment as everyone waited, baby included, for the next contraction. When it came baby was born in a slippery rush onto the bed.
Someone said, do you want to see what you have? Paul and I looked together, it's a boy!
I turned round and picked up my baby boy and we looked at each other in shock.
I am never doing that again
From 4cm to birth in 45 minutes
A little bit of oxygen for the baby and he started to scream and scream. I put him to the breast and he quietened down.
I lost around 800ml blood, had a couple of stitches but refused a catheter, I dragged myself out of bed for a wee to prove I didn't need one and weed in the shower while she watched. Oh, the indignity! But I really didn't want to be tied to the bed.
It took us a couple of days to name Sam and I really enjoyed my 4 nights in the hospital, just the two of us. I could have stayed another week being waited on hand and foot!
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